Ladies Line

Onli Ladis Plis

Onli Ladis Plis

The best thing to have happened to Delhi since Sarojini Nagar, Lajpat Nagar, Janpath and the likes is definitely the Metro. And the best thing to have happened to Delhi since the Metro is the much revered and envied Ladies compartment.

For the uninitiated, the first compartment in the onward direction of every train is reserved for ladies. Apart from the obvious benefits of the move for women, men are in a way benefited too. Now they know exactly where to slyly fixate their wandering eyes.

Being the privileged member of this inner circle of first compartment, I’ve chalked out 10 categories of women who frequent the hallowed premises; for those who aren’t satisfied with observing from the sidelines.

1. Loud Talkers (Phone or otherwise)

"I'm telling this *only* to you."

“I’m telling this *only* to you.”

It’s no secret that women love to talk. But imagine the plight of others when it is at volumes hard to ignore. I’ve unwittingly been party to conversations ranging from relationship woes and in-law bitching to career advises being dispensed and shopping lists being exchanged.

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2. Bling Brigade

The word subtle ain't in my dictionary.

The word subtle ain’t in my dictionary.

A category that’s easy to come by and hard to miss. Delhi being Delhi, women love to dress up. Can you imagine the horror of the local grocer discovering your non-kohled eyes or un-painted lips? *shudders*. Look around the metro any time of the day and you’d find women from all age groups in the most garish and lurid of outfits, complemented by gaudy make-up and blingy accessories. These women surely must be the stars (literally!) of someone’s universe.

3. Goggled Girls

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This particular phenomenon must probably be as old as the sun itself but still baffles the daylights out of me. Now I understand you’d like to protect your kohl-lined, mascara replete eyes from the bright glares of the sun, but what I don’t get is why keep ’em on when there’s no sun? This category of women heroically keep their sun glasses perched up on their noses even when the metro’s running underground. Maybe it’d take a few years of scientific study to get to the bottom of this mystery.

Oh you must!

Oh you must!

4. Rule Breakers

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Being an Indian automatically grants you the license to break rules. Hell yeah! We’re risk takers that way. No wonder then, that this category (which belongs to all socio-economic classes of society) takes utmost pleasure in sitting on the floor and munching snacks from their carefully packed ‘dabbas’, when announcements to the very effect are being made every 5 minutes. It’s damn cool you know!

5. Scooch Requesters

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Anybody who’s travelled in the ladies compartment even once in her life would tell you about its unsaid rule. Have even an inch of space between you and the person beside? Well you gotta scooch for anybody who asks for it, no questions asked.

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And the worst is when a female who, well to put it delicately, would never fit into the tiny space, requests you to do so and ends up hogging all of it leaving you gasping for air or your former seat. I once had to endure an experience of a scooch requester’s half thigh resting on mine. Oh the horror!

6. Stareres

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Without a doubt women check out other women more than men do. And metro isn’t any different. You’re sometimes at the receiving and sometimes at the giving end of it.

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But there are women who’ve made it their business to unflinchingly stare at every female who travels with them. And the professionals that they are, they remain unfazed even when you catch them in the act.

7. Music Lovers

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Music is a good thing, maybe the best of things. But what happens when you have Justin Bieber or his Bollywood equivalent Atif Aslam blaring from the headphones of the person sitting next to you? Not the best of situations is it? And then there are those who rock their heads and lip-sync to whatever song they’re listening to. Well, music makes you do stupid things.

8. Bookworms

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Whenever you spot a female intently staring into a book in her hands and her mouth bunched up, you know you’ve come across a bookworm. Whether she’s standing in the crowded lanes hanging on to her dear life or sitting on the luckily found (grabbed?) seat, she’d not lose sight of her knowledge reservoir even for a second. Time well spent won’t you say?

9. Cool Crusaders

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There’s a reason why shady institutes which loudly claim “ek mahine mein angrezi speakna seekhiye” (learn to speak English in one month), have mushroomed across the country. Because talking in English is just so cool. Can’t get your work done? Shout in English. Want to clear an interview? English silly!

Students of Lady Shri Ram College for Woman in New Delhi

This category of women (mostly college girls) make sure they shout at the top of their voices in totally accented English with the words ‘dude’ and ‘like’ thrown in after every second word. Oh it’s not like they want to, they HAVE to. How else would you know they’re from the cool breed?

10. Sleepers

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The oldest and the most famous category in the world of trains. The moment they get onto any kind of moving vehicle, a fog of drowsiness encircles them and they quietly submit to its incessant clamour.

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This category is the worst enemy of the ‘scooch requesters’ and some even feign sleep to belong to this category as soon as they comfortably settle in their hard-earned seats.

So which category do you belong to?

In case I’ve missed any, please add it in the comments section.

Why Do Today?

Procrastination isn't so bad. You always have something to do tomorrow.

Procrastination isn’t so bad. You always have something to do tomorrow.

You always ask me, why not now?
To get a good crop, must not you plough?
Why leave for ‘morrow, what you can do today
Accomplish what you must, than leave it for another day

I oft answer, though not at once
Haven’t you heard of Procrastination, you dunce?
Why do today, what you can leave for ‘morrow
Why sweat, when there’s more time you can borrow

Aren’t life ’bout throwing worries to the wind?
Shouldn’t you make merry, be happy and sing?
Being too serious can ruin all the fun
Procrastination let’s you have your day in the sun

You sigh as you give thought to my thought
It sure seems my point has been bought
And just as you begin, for a moment, to ponder
I quietly slip out of the messy room, to yonder

~Anushree

How To Live Life Doggie Style

A situation you messed up? A result you didn’t expect? Something from your past you wish never happened? Well, kick some grass over that shit and move on.

 

Someone you like but can't confess your feelings to them? Wag your tail and let it show. And if they do not respond, move on to the next one yo!Someone you like but can’t confess your feelings to them? Wag your tail and let it show. And if they do not respond, move on to the next one.

 polls_PuppyDogEyes_5408_380597_poll_xlargeScrewed up real bad? Scared to face the music? Easy. Put on the puppy dog eyes and keep looking at the floor until the music fades.

 dog,funny,postcard,ian,cool,crazy-95be9b05d91e1840c7c0ed6f88435244_hFeeling blue? Life’s too mundane? Get in a car, put your face out and let the wind wash off your worries.

 DaschundDiggingAlways run out of money at the end of the month? Your financial future looks bleak? Dig a hole and save up half of what you get.

 200358462-001Got a difficult interview coming up? Dread the whole grind? Learn a few tricks and repeat them over and over to keep the bosses happy.

 dog-irish-setter-hand-sniffFeel you’re always surrounded by negative people? Sniff and examine thoroughly before you let anyone enter your life.

 d35d5b883ae9923e5af46bd81779585eFeel your life’s a mess? Everything a chaotic distress? Set a routine in place and chaos will run out the window.

 dog-sniffs-grassAngry with someone? Wanna scream your head off? Sniff thoroughly before deciding who deserves your shit.

 dog-enjoying-the-sun-on-the-grass-with-shadesWonder how your life turned out the way it did? Wish to change it for the better? Love unconditionally, live joyfully and it’ll be glorious in no time.

6 Things you can learn from Bollywood

Word Tripping

Bollywood may be the second biggest movie churning industry after Hollywood but when it comes to the optimistic art  of viewing the glass as ‘half full’, we beat ‘firangi-wood’ hands down.

Read on to know what we, the “mango mans”, can learn from our desi movie world.

  • Perseverance – Perseverance is an important quality needed to succeed in any sphere of life. And who exhibits this quality better than our filmy heroes. They stand up, perform stunts & finish their carefully practiced dialogues even when hit with a bullet (or two) or stabbed with a knife. And if the hero is so persistent, how can their “little soldiers” be left behind. They struggle and persevere, so much so that the “aulad” (progeny) of our hero is the exact replica of the father, sans the grey hair of course (And you thought it was the same person playing two roles. Sheesh!).

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6 Things you can learn from Bollywood

Bollywood may be the second biggest movie churning industry after Hollywood but when it comes to the optimistic art  of viewing the glass as ‘half full’, we beat ‘firangi-wood’ hands down.

Read on to know what we, the “mango mans”, can learn from our desi movie world.

  • Perseverance – Perseverance is an important quality needed to succeed in any sphere of life. And who exhibits this quality better than our filmy heroes. They stand up, perform stunts & finish their carefully practiced dialogues even when hit with a bullet (or two) or stabbed with a knife. And if the hero is so persistent, how can their “little soldiers” be left behind. They struggle and persevere, so much so that the “aulad” (progeny) of our hero is the exact replica of the father, sans the grey hair of course (And you thought it was the same person playing two roles. Sheesh!).
  • The Power of Positive Belief – In the best-selling novel – ‘Secret’, Rhonda Byrne says that if you want something with all your heart, the whole universe conspires for you to achieve it. No wait! It was Paulo Coelho instead in the ‘Alchemist’. Oh drat! Now I remember, these legendary lines were professed by none other than our very own Shahrukh Khan in Om Shanti Om. And boy did it work like a charm in the movie! There are many Bollywood celebrities who took this lesson to heart and practice the art of positive thinking with a vengeance. One such gentleman is Sajid Khan. He sends positive vibes to the universe and throws success parties even before his films become successful (eg. – Housefull). Lo and behold, his ‘house’ was certainly ‘full’ for the party. It doesn’t count if the theaters weren’t!
  • Magic of Creative Thinking – The art of creative thinking is called as “taapna” in the filmi parlance. Our filmmakers do not “copy” ideas if that’s what you thought. They merely take “inspiration” from a lot of different sources. Mixing and matching is what creativity is all about silly! So from now on don’t cry foul if you see a scene / poster / dialogue / stunt / script “inspired” from another movie that you might have seen. Instead laud Bollywood for teaching you an important lesson in creativity.
  • Impossible is nothing but I M Possible – While watching a movie have you ever caught yourself wondering about the practicality and logicality of a scene? Well, the word impossible doesn’t exist in B-town’s dictionary. Just like an actress can change costumes every two minutes, just like an actor can perform death/gravity/logic defying stunts, just like the characters can teleport themselves from India to Switzerland for a 2 minute song sequence; even you can do the impossible, because impossible is nothing!
  • Always Reinvent yourself – Just when you think you have exhausted yourself, that you do not have any more of yourself to give to this world; reinvent yourself. Be like the Phoenix bird which burnt itself only to rise again from its ashes. Bollywood has exhibited this talent over and over again. Just when the viewers thought filmmakers had nothing left to be “inspired” of, they dug into their own pasts and reinvented. We can see these reinventions in the form of several remakes, of course of the earlier “inspired” movies. Watch, observe, learn.
  • Friendship – Last but not the least, the most important lesson our film industry teaches us is valuing the beautiful bond of friendship. You can often hear the stars using the phrase “just good friends”, and with so many “just good friends” in the industry you can surely at the least maintain a few. Friendship is the bond that always helps you, through thick and thin; success and failure. Just like Salman helped his “just good friends” Katrina/Zarine/Aishwarya/etc.

What did you say now? Cat fights? Actor rivalries? Oh they are just figments of media’s imagination!